Non Negotiables As A Form of Self-Care

Recreating your reality is an ability that we all have, by a simple reset in our thought processes, values, and activities of daily living. As an entrepreneur and single mom of 4, my days were mostly filled with routine tasks:

Fall asleep when my body is on its last leg, hit snooze 5 times in the a.m., skip prayer

(because now i'm late), rush everyone to the showers, prepare lunches, run to the car,

run back to the house for things forgotten, and then rush the kids to school. Everyday,

my plans for an a.m. work out, after dropping off the kids, turned into me sitting in my

car for sometimes an hour+, to debrief from my morning of chaos, feel emotions of pitty

for my self-care that was skipped, and create even more anxiety as my excessive

unplanned debriefing time, was now the cause of me having to rush off to work.

The same thing occurred in the evenings, after school. I'd pick up the children from

the sitter who happens to be my mom. I recall being so exhausted--mentally that is,

that I could not even get out of my car, and walk into my mother's home, hug her, and

thank her for all that she does--the assumption that I could love on her tomorrow, was

was always a factor in my decision to beep the horn for the children to meet me at the

car instead. My mom would often feed the children, so once they got home, everyone

nestled themselves into their rooms for tv time, me into my office to tie some loose ends

with business, then it was lights out. The daily cycle continued the next day...

My mental health began to suffer. I found myself in an anxious and depressed state more often than happy. I had become my own oppressor, simply by not following my own rules. I did not respect myself enough to actually implement the daily plans that I had put into place for myself and my children. My life was a "wild card", and since my life was a wild card, so were my children's. My son began getting complaints from teachers almost daily about his behavior at school, and my youngest was not performing very well academically. I knew that I had to change some things. I knew that despite the support that I had from my mother, there was no one coming to save me and my tribe. Every great team has a solid leader... I had to get serious about my solidarity.

One of the first things that did on my quest for a life reset was to survey all of my thoughts--immediately as they came. This looked like me correcting my relationship with the concept of "tomorrow", and living in the "now". So any thought to procrastinate a task was immediately shut down--i'd take a deep breath, and "Just Do It". Next, I realized that I did not want to live life in a manner that I would one day look up from and realize that I have spent most of it in "survival" mode, which to me, is a life full of rapid movements, with very little time to savor the energy and smiles of your loved ones--the ones you do it all for. I began to feel, what's the point in obtaining all this "stuff", if one day you could look up and realize that the ones that you have dedicated your life's greatness for, are no longer around to benefit from it,. We spend a large amount of our lives in survival mode (working outside of ourselves), with the assumption deep down in our hearts, that one day--just one day, me and my loved ones will all get to sit around and savor in the fruits of our labor; however, for some that one fine day never comes--In life we learn that tomorrow is not guaranteed. So yes, building today for a better future is extremely important, however, making time daily to live in gratitude for each moment, and awaken to your own internal greatness and the internal greatness of your loved ones is a very important daily deed.

A Non-Negotiable, as it pertains to life is a concept/rule that is not up for negotiation--there's just no skipping it--sorry/not sorry! Imagine life without laws or rules to govern behaviors and tasks. We obey the laws of the land in order to maintain a sense of homeostasis. However, in our own personal lives, we "wing it", day by day, doing whatever, we feel like doing, or have time for. It's almost like we respect our bosses, and law makers more than we do ourselves and our families, as we try to follow their rules closely, and make our personal rules and obligations to each other options.

Sure, I get the concept of free spirits--heck I consider myself a devout free spirit, but a free spirit without something to stand for can be a recipe for self destruction...I mean here you are waking up and doing whatever your body feels like doing (or not doing), or what ever your boss tells you to do with your day...not exactly a recipe for self satisfaction.

In our personal lives, we need laws (Non-Negotiables), to live by, in order to prevent our lives from falling into shambles. How can you go to work, or go anywhere, and follow their rules, and then come home and know deeply inside that you owe yourself certain deeds (a work out, a healthy home cooked meal, meditation), but make a decision to not do them (out of exhaustion or procrastination...it can get done tomorrow right?).

Implementing Non-negotiables into your life can be the beginning of healing mental illness such as depression and anxiety, because it gives you a sense of control over your life, vs life controlling you. Make it a non-negotiable to wake up at a certain time every morning (a snooze hit of max 2 times). Make it a non-negotiable to adorn your body, post-shower/bath, with a nice skin moisturizer, and some sort of therapeutic aroma. Make it a non-negotiable to take a few minutes each morning to connect with the Divine Creator. Make it a non-negotiable drink a certain amount of water each day. Make it a non-negotiable to stop by a loved one's house daily to hug them and say thank you for being you. Make it a non-negotiable to have 30 minutes of reading time with your children daily. Make daily exercise a non-negotiable (no matter how long or short the time). Make a reasonable bed-time a non-negotiable. Make leaving for destinations 15 minutes earlier a non-negotiable. Introduce non-negotiables into your dating life, and into your business model.

Non-Negotiables have helped my quality of life immensely. If you haven't already, extract some tasks off of your personal to-do list and upgrade those tasks to Non-Negotiables, and watch how your life improves. You are the CEO of your life...make the rules, respect your rules, and govern your life accordingly.

Warm Regards,

Ine Saka, Family Nurse Practitioner

Empathy Wellness Center, Inc.